A Mixed Marriage: the Risky and Risk-Averse

I know a lot of people in mixed marriages or long-term relationships: pairings that people of different races, religions, and ethnicities.  And of course I know a ton of couples where one person is a vegetarian and the other a devoted meat lover.  It seems like there’s a lot written about how to get along, run a smooth household, and raise children in these mixed relationships.  However, a relationship combination that I’ve observed frequently is a pairing of the financially risky and the financially risk-averse.  My friends Lynette and Daniel are good examples of this.  Lynette is a saver, risk-averse and always planning and trying to save.  Daniel is more of a risk taker, willing to put a huge percentage of their budget in real estate and has relatively meager savings.  Surprisingly, they have fairly few conflicts over money.  When I asked them about this, here’s what they told me:

–Communication and transparency are important — although they are financial opposites, neither person hides things from the other, so there aren’t surprising large charges on the credit card or a secret stash of savings.  Because of her nature, Lynette takes a more pro-active role in managing the household finances.

–Despite one person spending more time with financial planning — both participate in all major decisions.  I think this is important as I’ve seen too many couples where one person makes all of the decisions. Not only does this lead to vulnerabilities if something big happens, it often leads to arguments about the imbalance.  I’ve also known of too many people who become divorced, widowed, or break-up; only to find they have never tried to take care of their finances.

–Harmonize major goals — focusing on long-term goals, like house, or early retirement, has helped Lynette and Daniel understand that they have similar alignment in goals, if different ways of getting their.  While this doesn’t fundamentally address the risk vs. risk-averse issue; it helps with open communication.

--Balance instead of equality — my friends’ aim for balance in their financial relationship rather than equality.  With both persons working and having variable income, savings, and debt over time, emphasizing balance rather than contributing equally helps keep conflicts to a minimum.

Are you involved in a financial mixed marriage? How do you cope?

shared at Works for Me Wednesday and Frugal Friday