Surprising Frugal Advice: Stop Being so Obedient

One of the most startling conversations that impacted the winding path of my life greatly was when a friend, who works as a recruiter for executives for one of the major firms, told me that in looking for new hires they focused on two key things: intelligence and obedience. The intelligence part is obvious, as I would hope most companies are looking for bright people. And in thinking about it, of course, the obedience characteristic meant as an employee, the candidate would be compliant and agreeable of what was asked.  Such as: missing anniversaries and kids birthdays due to business trips, staying late or coming in on Saturdays, taking reading home at night to catch up.  But, mostly it meant that someone with these obedience streak would work hard moving up the ladder in the company because there presence there was an important part of their identity. You know the “I’m a lawyer” or “I’m a managing director” kind of identity.  If this obedience wasn’t part of their constitution, then they would likely try to go off and start their own company or tell their boss to stuff it, when asked to come in for the the 3rd Saturday in a row.

What does this have to do with frugality?  Well, this identity complex, having your worth tied to your job is very similar to having your worth tied to your possessions and net worth.  These same obedient people, who believe they are their jobs, are often the same people who get caught up in the “keeping up with the Joneses” consumption trap.  In an interesting article analyzing the Keeping up with the Joneses phenomenon, Lisa Smith gives several reasons of why people are driven to over-consumption including: the desire to show off their success, and the need to have what others have. Smith concludes that we need to stop this behavior because the Joneses are really broke and financing their purchases and lifestyle with unsustainable debt.

Trying to break the cycle of obedience, identity complex, and consuming with the Joneses is of course easier said than done.  Humans are social creatures and we seek acceptance and approval from those like us.  Here are some thing to consider to try to shift toward being less compliant and more free of things:

–Try an email and internet fast one day each week. I find that this exercise is a good reminder that things that we think are urgent, are really manageable.

–Go through your closet or bookshelf and remove the things that you haven’t touched in a while.  Sell them on e-bay or give them to Goodwill.  This will begin the shift away from being so attached to the stuff around us.

–Do one spontaneous (non-spending) thing each week.  Try contacting someone that you have lost touch with, take a different path on the bike ride, or try out a new recipe from a cuisine of a country you would like to learn more about or visit, or better yet, invite some friends over to cook together. The main point is to stop over analyzing all of your actions.

Most of all, remind yourself that you are much more than your identity at work and to stop keeping up with the Joneses, as many of them are broke or unhappy, or both.

check out more frugal articles at the festival this week at Credit Withdrawal